Your Actual Goal When "Dating" Someone
I'm curious what would happen with respect to dating if trans people... well, passed better. If the average transwoman were physically indistinguishable from the average woman short of a chromosome test, would people reject the idea of dating them so vociferously?
My suspicion is that opposition to personally dating a trans person would significantly decline. I'm probably typical minding this, because I'm a bi person who's in theory open to dating trans people but who in practice doesn't, purely because e.g. I'm attracted to <5% of trans-women versus ~50% cis-women.
One thing is with what your actual goal is when "dating" someone. Lots of people date with the intention of actually finding a long term partner to procreate with and yes, barren women are also hurt by this. Finding out your spouse can't have children doesn't necessarily mean you'd leave them but I think most men who are looking for a partner to start a family would filter out barren women before the first date. Trans women are guaranteed to be barren women.
Another issue is that a whole lot of people are willing to be polite and pay lip service to "trans women are women", although probably less people than the SJA camp really believes, but actually getting involved with a trans women requires you to actually fully believe that the entire memeplex is true.
Finally there is a kind of dissonance going on that's hard to even describe. The proposition is that womanhood is entirely a socially constructed mental state, a state that once in causes great distress unless the person experiencing the state is able to change their physical body to be more like the average body of other people that have this mental state of womanhood, and then straight men are supposed to be going 100% off the physical body. It's feasible that this is how things work but it feels a whole lot like a rigged game of hide the ball where the desirable outcome, straight men treat trans women exactly how trans women want to be treated, was predetermined and then the cups were shuffled until it was forced to happen. I understand why the desired outcome is desired, SJAs are admirable in wanting people to be happy, but the whole thing feels a whole lot like having the wool pulled over your eyes.
There are a lot of compounded claims with not incredibly convincing justification. I can intellectually grok the line of reasoning:
a:gender is a social construct separable from physical bodies => b:you can be the gender not traditionally associate with your body => c:changing your body to be the most standard body for your professed gender is good for your mental health(doesn't this contradict a?) => d:straight people are attracted to women both mentally and physically => e: A trans person was already mentally the opposite sex so if they're also indistinguishable on a body level straight people should be attracted to them.
But that seems like a really narrow slice of possibility space and I feel physical revulsion to the idea of dating a trans person, my gut says at least one claim in the chain in bullshit.