Why I Hated Being Single and Going on Dates

As a guy, I am mostly reminded of why I hated being single and going on dates:

I had things I didn't like about my body back then, I was skinny and lanky, but also overly hairy. Some girls really had no sense that I might not like to hear about all my flaws constantly. Some of the worst ones were often a little overweight or had slightly ugly faces, so maybe they were just dealing with their own issues and taking it out on me. They would act surprised when I didn't ask for a second date.

I wasn't worried about women murdering me. But STDs and pregnancy were still a concern. Lying about being on birth control is easy, and it might not even be malicious. One girl I dated was just bad about consistently taking the pill. Based on things she told me she might have had one or two miscarriages over the 16 months we were dating. I had one girl I was dating in highschool give another guy a blowjob a month after stopping our heavy makeout sessions from progressing any further as she wasn't ready (I guess I helped her get ready?). I had another girl that just create murky single/in a relationship status with me and then go sleep with other guys.

I had one girl never speak with me again cuz I touched her too high on her thigh during a movie on our first date. Another girl the next month almost didn't go on a second (first?) date with me cuz I didn't strangle her hard enough during sex a few hours after I met her for the first time. I got better in later encounters and gave her the first orgasm she'd during sex, but sex with her was always high stress and I broke things off cuz I was always more focused on performing than enjoying it. I've had booty calls and used girls just for sex. I've been a booty call and been used just for sex.

All of that experience and I really don't hate or dislike anyone from my dating life. People are complex and messy. Dating is mixing that complex messiness together and then throwing in a bunch of hormones that go off during sex, in case everyone wasn't confused enough already.

I had some bad moments during my time being single. Spirals of loneliness that lead to more loneliness. It is very difficult to be charming and romantic while desperately craving human connection. I sometimes texted Exes that I had dumped for good reasons, just to possibly have a chance at being touched by someone. (and by all account I've heard from friends and others I had things really good)

By some miracles of friendship and luck I'd pull myself out of those spirals of loneliness, and attempt to avoid pursuing women. It was like going on and off a bad drug habit. But as soon as I became not interested in women I became the right mix of confidence and indifference to seem appealing to them.

I feel for Robert in the story. The man was lonely. Likely had very little experience with sex. Lucked out with an inexperienced college girl that randomly took a liking to him. Felt lonely a few too many nights and had a drink to try and sooth himself, got a stupid idea in his head about going to have a chance encounter with a girl he'd liked. Proceeded to drunk text her, got no response, then said something mean to try and provoke a response. Probably regretted his actions in the morning, deleted her number, and tried to move on.